@wolfpupy: occult darling Dracula needs to get a grip. having his own dirt shipped in to sleep on, what a piece of shit. me, i'll sleep on any dirt
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@Vijaytiwari1611: Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"
@chrissyissie: Literally held in a sneeze because I was giving my husband the silent treatment and I didn't want him to bless me
@Lisabug74: Don't you love it when you're doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom's face time?
@flaccidumbrella: ANGEL: so the humans turned out... okay GOD: my greatest creation ANGEL: truly your best work GOD: imma drown em ANGEL: oh thank god