@Dank_Pal: Ocean's Eleven? Ummmm I'm pretty sure it's a little older than that. Who is this idiot?
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@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.
@delusions_of: This could be the expired methamphetamines talking but yeah, I'd love to babysit your kids.
@soulindivision: "I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.