@Reverend_Scott: October 31st, 2187: Sugar is now illegal. Parents search their kid's Halloween bags to make sure the razor blades don't have candy in them.
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@PhilJamesson: Me (holding two sticks of butter): now where did i put that stick of butter? hmm i guess i didn't get one out. hey kiddo could you grab a butter My Son (also holding two sticks of butter): i just checked the fridge. we're all out
@HavocMantis: I'm a fi-sci writer. "You mean sci-fi?" No, fi-sci. Fictional Science. Made-up scholarly articles on monsters, magic, and the like.
@markydoodoo: if you encounter a bear in the woods, make your self as big as possible. Talk about how much money you make and how hot your girlfriend is.
@chuuew: [in bed] ME: [turning off table lamp] I've finally finished my book WIFE: What happened in the end? ME: I saw his stripy shirt behind a tree