@Reverend_Scott: October 31st, 2187: Sugar is now illegal. Parents search their kid's Halloween bags to make sure the razor blades don't have candy in them.
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@Sal0630: In a perfect world anyone that said they, “literally died,” would drop dead on the spot.
@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
@BlondAmbitionTO: Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?
@0hJuliette: Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain ;)