@neiltyson: Odd that the silent way to alert performers they should quickly end their act is a gesture to slice your own throat.
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@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@TheRolo: *Texts* Can I come over bae? I need you. <3 *Gets reply text* DUDE, STOP CALLING ME THAT. I'M YOUR DEALER NOT YOUR BAE. BRING CA$H!
@Chumpstring: [car dealership] ME: [not savvy] i need a new car SALESMAN: what kind ME: car SALESMAN: haha what kind of car ME: [perspiring freely] new