@WilliamAder: Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.
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@charliedelta7: Don't be offended if I speak to you condescendingly. Be happy that I care enough to be sure your simple mind understands what I'm saying.
@Reverend_Scott: JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard. So now I'm explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon.
@garrettbarry70: [At job interview] M. "No, English is my second language." I. "What's your first language then?" M. "Emoji."