@WilliamAder: Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.
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@geekonursleeve: [table of 6 year olds in lab coats] How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we *bangs fist on table* CAN'T EVEN FIND WALDO?!
@shkeeber: I've been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops.
@weinerdog4life: Date Tip: If a date is going well, a series of loud hoots will scare off other suitors
@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"