@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
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@MunkMania: HIM: What are you doing? ME: Hiding some more money in the couch. Can't trust the banks you know. HIM: How much is in there? ME: $5.40
@AlbertBrooks: I think we should elect Bernie. When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have heart attacks and die.
@tastefactory: [zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*
@dshack8: Attention people with multiple people in your avi's: Draw an arrow pointing to yourself, OR replace it with a cat. Thanks, The rest of us