@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
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@david8hughes: [date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?
@Reverend_Scott: mugger: GIMME UR MONEY "All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME
@atanya1111: At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.