@_sweet_ham: Of course I can keep a secret, It's the people I tell it to that can't.
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@figgled: Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear 1. exploding glove 2. ham sandwich 3. flaming fireplace 4. Dead bird helmet 6. shark eggs
@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
@david8hughes: [cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"