@1MeLrO: Of course I touch myself when I think about you
It's called a face palm
@Boleyngirly: What is wrong with me?!? Asking for a friend..
@Nahdude83: I was making breakfast, then "She's a maniac" came on the radio... Everything is a blur.
Why am I so tired? Why am I in this steel factory?
@JohnielDan: Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn't feel well.
@Paige__xxx: *Refuses to go to the gym
Adds resistance training to workout list.
@secondhand_cake: Just found a $5 bill in the dryer.
-Adds money laundering to criminal resume.