@1MeLrO: Of course I touch myself when I think about you
It's called a face palm
@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
@CarrieMayhem: I'm not stalking you. I'm getting to know you behind your back.
@internetluke: [interview for fireman]
"So why do you think you're a good fireman?"
I lit the building on fire
Now watch as I try to put it out
@WetzelGeek: "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo
@Black__Elvis: "Let's blast some Jack Johnson and call each other Broseph and dump our girlfriends with a text." -Dudes who wear salmon colored jean shorts