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@HomeProbably: Of course my days are numbered..
That's how calendars work.
@QwertyJones3: [Sci fi movie]
How did you travel such a distance so fast?
"I went through a wormhole."
Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.
SON: I came as soon as I heard. What happened?
DAD: The oying hit me
SON: What's an oying?
DAD: You are, kiddo *dies*
@ricsem: Computer dating is fine... if you are a computer.
@dumbbeezie: When you say you don't feel good
"Are you pregnant?" -people without kids
"Do you have to poop?" -people with kids
@TheBoydP: The ruling that legal papers can now be "served" on Facebook is ridiculous. Don't they know the people they're looking for are on twitter?