@JermHimselfish: Of course this milk is fresh, I just saw it breakdancing in the back of the refrigerator.
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@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.
@Cpin42: My son challenged my wife & I to a game of hide-and-seek. We took off for the weekend and left him some food. In your face, loser!
@Molly_Kats: A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.