@Jenny4ashley: Of course you can be anything you wanna be. That's how delusions work.
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@angibangie: [both kids on my lap] Me:This is so nice 5yo:Mommy your breath stinks. M: I carried you for 9 months! 4yo:Why didn't you use a stroller?
@rickolantern: The baby changing station in this Chili's bathroom is broken I put the old baby in there and when I opened it back up it was the same one
@mantej: PRO TIP: Name your first child "butter", then accidentally take a different baby home just so you can say "I can't believe it's not butter!”
@abbycohenwl: Man: Welcome to Mystery Club Guy: What's it for? M: No one's sure of that [suddenly Guy's head gets clubbed] M: Or when that'll happen