@JeremyInKC: Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed.
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@DirtMcTurd: One difference between Men & Women is nicknames. Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts
@weinerdog4life: I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.
@Kauaibride: settle down twitter crush. i didn't ask your last name to google you. i wanted to see how it sounded with the names i've picked for our kids