@mofrorock: "Of course you're the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
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@iAmDelFreaky: Waking up with morning wood is one thing, but waking with Elijah Wood is just creepy. I calmed down once I stared into his beautiful eyes.
@SteveSuckington: How dare you call me naive! I'd sue you for slander if I hadn't sent all my money to that Nigerian prince.
@HeyZeus666: Sorry I said your baby looks like the anti-Christ. I meant to say she looks like her mother.
@Jandalize: Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm.