@mofrorock: "Of course you're the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
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@Samzen_: Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail
@better_off_dad: I can't believe they get women to pay so much for those boots & can't even spell 'Ugly' right...
@thejamietighe: Boss: Why is there an olive in your water? Me: What water? Oh yeah this, this is definitely water.