@mofrorock: "Of course you're the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
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@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.
@_SingleBabyMama: Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says "open wide" & starts making airplane noises* Guy: *stunned silence* -Single Mama on a date
@Alex_LaVallee: Cop: license and registration please. Me: (gives cop both) Cop: you drinking tonight? Me: no. Cop: you handed me 2 empty beer cans.