@jwoodham: Officer, I know I was speeding, but you have to let me go. I'm running late to a concert and I'm the guy who brings the giant beach ball.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: *sees a hot christian girl* Me: I am christian now,where do i get one of those plus signs? Friend: That's a cross. Me: across from where?
@cray_at_home_ma: Sorry I told you we should definitely hang out sometime and then didn't answer my phone for 5 years
@MarieColette: I don't watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered.