@Moanhamed: OH AND JUST FYI.... THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES ARE LOUIS VUITTON
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@MunkMania: [Watching Netflix] ME: Ohhhhh...I never thought about paying off a funeral home to get rid of the body...genius. HIM: What?? ME: What?
@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Honey, I'm upstairs! *undresses on the run like Superman* Be right up! *stands naked in doorway* Wife: Do you remember... Pam: Hi
@BigBagOfScum: the restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang, it just means I can't be within 50'. We could still play catch or frisbee or something...