@bridger_w: "Oh, are you driving?" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk
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@johnbiehl: Me: this a rush song? Bartender: yeah, you a fan? Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says "no"*
@batkaren: I lovingly caress my belly. "You're expecting?" a woman asks. I smile serenely. "Just ate an amazing burrito," I tell her.
@007Pepe_Rex: When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.