@HeyJennyConway: Oh baby, were not going to need a 'do not disturb' sign. We're going to need a 'please don't call the police were fine' sign.
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@Try2StopME: Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
@SondraDeeMe: [Skype] ME: Finally I see your face and wow. HIM: [naked] Where are you?! ME: Starbucks. Wanna meet a few friends? They like your tweets.
@Just_Lee_: When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
@SaraESpivey: After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u."