@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LifeUnPinterest: HIM: Why is this sticky? ME: Remember that crazy sex we had? I got pregnant and now we have a 2YO contaminating the entire place with filth
@Chumpstring: I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.
@UnicornSyrup: Don't say you want a girl who's "funny and spontaneous" if you're gonna panic when I knock on your window late at night, dressed as a clown.
@Aerostars4Sale: SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it.