@djdarrellripley: Oh, calm down... One Cobra bite and you're falling to pieces!
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@FrenulumBreve: [love making] Her: [leans in] "do that thing you know I like." [i cease to exist] Her: "yeah baby."
@splashguts: I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.
@jordan_stratton: Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
@mompsychologist: Me: If you don't like my rules, maybe you can find a different mom. 4yo: *excitedly* Can we really do that?