@JediGigi: Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode.
@Elizasoul80: Cargo pants are for when you want to wear khakis, but also want to be a backpack.
@atanenhaus: Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?
@better_off_dad: *looks up at lightbulb
‘Stupid moth’
*looks back at phone
@iwearaonesie: 9*picking his nose*
wife:Get your finger out of your nose!
me [alone in the bedroom] *takes finger out of nose* *whispers* How did she know?
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