@ChrisRRegan: Oh, elderly neighbor: You defeated Hitler, yet you somehow can't figure out the car alarm?
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@MikeZakarian: Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures.
@JB4Realz: If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.
@BobTheSuit: My Alexa overheard my Roombas talking and, long story short, I now have 114 Roombas in my living room circling their god, Alexa.
@viadear: Confusing the word, "jacuzzi" with, "yakuza" has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once.