@prodigalsam: "Oh great. Another puppy." - Sarah McLachlan's friends at Christmas
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@GuyAdvisor: Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. Me: I know, right? Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence. Me: High-5. Me: Word.
@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]