@9to5Life: Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there's doctors EVERYWHERE.
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@sad_tree: [getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] "I know you're not really an armadillo"
@causticbob: Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere.
@onlxn: TRUMP: I'm gonna lose, huh? RYAN: Yes. [silence] TRUMP: Thank God. RYAN: I know TRUMP: I'd be SO bad at it RYAN: We literally all might die