@iGreenMonk: "Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you!" means "I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are."
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@SortaBad: Me: goodnight moon Moon: It's 6pm Me: I know but I'm tired Moon: I literally just got here
@PaperWash: donald trump: ILL HAVE THE SUPER SALAD! waiter: lol no I said soup OR s- [assistant sliding $100] just bring him a huge bowl of lettuce
@KentWGraham: If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.