@jonnysun: "oh holy crap this farmer just crucified a dude, maybe we shoud stay away from this farm" - what crows realy think when they see a scarecrow
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@AmberTozer: [Calls an ex] Ex: Hello Me: Remember how you lied about everything Ex: Why are you doing this Me: It's Throwback Thursday
@AimeeHelene1: *yells at husband* I can't make it fit! It won't fit! Him: Just turn it a little. Me: *screams in excitement* We finished the puzzle!!
@AGreaterMonster: When I was a kid I got in trouble for playing with Grandma Bella in the sandbox. Can't play with dead bodies apparently.
@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.