@HeyoShellz: Oh honey, when I said I wanted to grind your face I meant with a meat grinder
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@Dorkstress: Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!
@CM2BTTHD: Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies.
@Inconsteveable: My New Year's resolutions: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.