@HeyoShellz: Oh honey, when I said I wanted to grind your face I meant with a meat grinder
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.
@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1.