@HeyoShellz: Oh honey, when I said I wanted to grind your face I meant with a meat grinder
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@Darlainky: [liquor store] Him: Did you see a cat in here? I know I just heard purring. Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection* Him: Oh, it's you.
@panmidwest: ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] Me: his voice was much deeper than that. He had the chin of a man who had recently lost his watch