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@QwertyJones3: [nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? "Yes of course we do!" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@jonnysun: *sees sister's facebook post that her dog died* how do i tell her i love her & i'll always be there for her *clicks sad face button* perfect