@boring_as_heck: Oh, I can't check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You're saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?
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@withanewname: [trick or treating] "Oh, what a cute little…what's she doing?" Me: potty training. "In my pumpkin?!" Me: She likes the heated seat.
@realHamOnWry: Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
@AndyAsAdjective: Just said "No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon." I shouldn't be allowed to parent.