@TheSharona06: Oh, I see you're an extrovert. Sorry, we can't be friends. I already have a friend who's an extrovert. One of you is enough.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Guess what I did Me: Captured Bigfoot? Wife: I got a great deal on kid's clothes Me: Just so I'm clear, Bigfoot is still out there?
@deardilettante: A fun thing to do would be to eat rat poison during a dinner party & then, when you die, they'll blame the host's cooking. Lol.
@doktorj: Ziiipppp, zip, zip, zip, ziiiipppp! *Me, dramatically ending a marital spat during a camping trip
@ericonederful: If you've committed to pulling a door handle that says push in front of people you have to rip the handle off. You can't let a door own you.