@tarashoe: oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere
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@dinnersruined: How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with? Me: *names two of them*
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: Here you go. Her: WTF? Me: It's the genital mold you wanted. Her: I said gelatin mold! Me: *waddles away with pants around ankles*
@owlcity: If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive.