@KenJennings: Oh I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is a Ferrets wheel. When your compartment is 90 feet in the air, we release the ferrets.
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@Matt_The_1st: Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria's secret around the house
@Jenny4ashley: I love the compliments my boss gives like "wow you're on time today" and "great job ignoring dress code again".
@kumailn: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
@rolldiggity: Hate when I'm being chased by a shark and I make it to land, only to find out he's tied to the back of a tiger.