@adrienneMTK: "Oh, look! She's drinking vodka, let's kill her!" - Spiral staircases
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@Gre_Gone: [Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?
@sixfootcandy: *puts powdered sugar around my nostrils and walks into blind date set up by my mom*
@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay