@jordan_stratton: Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense.
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@thenoahkinsey: Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*
@ThirtyYearOld: Se7en is a great movie even if you haven't seen o1e, 2wo, thr3e, 4our, 5ive or 6ix.
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god
@duplicitron: What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.