@jordan_stratton: Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense.
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@UncleDuke1969: "Do you know what the fear of belly buttons is called?" "Omphalophobia." "Why do you know that?!?" "I studied at the Navel Academy."
@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!
@envydatropic: A woman was charged with stalking after sending 65,000 text messages. Which one of you was it?
@ericsshadow: If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?