@hxnnahjohnston: oh. my god
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thetits: WIFE: Honey? why is there a deer in the living room wearing your clothes? HONEY? [Cut to me running naked through the moonlit forest]
@trojansauce: [aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually
@Dishasatra: Me- my boyfriend never messages goodnight before sleeping 😞 My friend- maybe because you don't have one?
@JElvisWeinstein: The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma.