@Zwolf666: Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives.
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@relatabledad: "hey is that a banana in your pock--" *his pants open* *a banana steps out* *it walks towards you* *it hugs you* "u have freed me. thank u
@drunktweets81: I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.