@Zwolf666: Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives.
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@JT_IV_: I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint.
@EndhooS: Me: [sat in car] Cop: u forget something? [Points at baby still on roof in his carrier] Me: OMG yes [gets out & puts on his flying goggles]
@bryanmcc74: Finally I have an excuse for getting fat, heard on radio about girl who been eating in her sleep ... That's it, I've got that !