@DaddyJew: Oh no, my kid got upset at me and locked himself in his room. What ever will I do. Margarita anyone?
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@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
@SondraDeeMe: Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
@novicefather: Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, "feminine scent" and "feminine odor" are perceived differently. You're welcome.