@DaddyJew: Oh no, my kid got upset at me and locked himself in his room. What ever will I do. Margarita anyone?
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@JosesLovesYou: For a hero, it's pretty cool that Mario is just a dude who ignores his real job, does mushrooms and smashes his head into things all day.
@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it
@david8hughes: [first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water.
@usedwigs: Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.