@WeissBrandon: Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jimmytorosian: Throw stones at people who live in glass houses. They won't throw them back because they've been told their whole life that they shouldn't.
@NervousJr: Based on how many times I've dropped my phone, I'm gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.