@Ideal_Victoria: Oh… Oh dear… it looks like my grandmother’s embroidered pillow may have stolen your tweet.
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@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
@notenoughwine: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good, and we will slowly kill you
@NewDadNotes: Justice League HQ Batman: -so they pay me 1 mil a yr Superman: 1.5 for me Aquaman: I'm paid in sand dollars Wonder Woman: you guys get paid?
@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?" Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."