@djdarrellripley: Oh, please... A few us get together, shave our heads, turn our property and money over to a charismatic leader, and SUDDENLY it's a cult!
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@online_rat: sorrey im bad with names. im also bad with faces,, i put my grandma in a headlock, thinking she was the kid that stole my bike in 3rd grade
@TheEllenShow: I love the Olympics #OpeningCeremony. It reminds me of that time I had to run to the creek when my sleeve caught on fire.
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@NateMorrising: He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico.