@sageboggs: Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business
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@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out.
@underchilde: Thanks for telling me to take some ibuprofen for my headache, hotshot. If we're ever in an apocalypse and need a doctor, I'm nominating you!
@WilliamRodgers: *Reads about a Salmonella outbreak on lettuce -NEVER eats Salad again! *Reads about the dangers of Alcohol poisoning -NEVER reads again!
@ShutUpThatsWho: If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia.