@sageboggs: Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business
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@slimmy_shady: SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area.
@matt_travelling: So is Walmart a verb now? As in, "I'm out of clean underwear, so I'm going to have to Walmart it today."
@Thynebear: [Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me.
@iAmJuddy: Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you.