@elle91: "Oh Shit, Was That Today?" an autobiography
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@murrman5: [in a meeting] ok a Dracula movie except he's new in town and biting is illegal but he befriends the pastors daught- "that's just Footloose"
@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
@furrrizzle: Dear diary, My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him. Apparently Meth wasn't what he expected. Dating is bull shit
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home.