@DeadLioness: Oh thank goodness, my Uber driver knows what's really wrong with this country.
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@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
@1Happytwit: You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
@shiksaaa: My boyfriend said he had a Catwoman fantasy. I must have misunderstood because we both wore leather cat suits to bed last night. Awkward.
@reczit: Help is a magic word. Say it to people & watch them disappearing from the horizon of your life.