@lanyardtwerk: Oh. This is hand *Satanizer.* Well, is my face red with the blood of innocents.
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@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me
@weismanjake: If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime" just say "I'm ready to hang out right now" and watch them panic
@Karissajem: So, this woman stopped to ask me if my hair color was "supposed to look natural." My hair is purple, guys. Purple.