@krisv_723: Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said "Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."
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@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
@Scimommy: 90% of parenting older kids is making sure they're not in the same room when they have to do homework.
@TheAlexP: Maybe raccoons aren't really digging through trash for food, Maybe they're just looking for something to remove their eye shadow.
@batkaren: "Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me." (*folds a fitted sheet*) "TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"