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@MonSwanson: Oh, you fell in love?!
I fell in my bathtub.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me.
@HeyZeus666: I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.
@seamussaid: Lunchables™? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna
@kjoy1019: If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
@BillMc7: Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.