@kumailn: "Oh you like this cake? (*Tosses cake out the window*) Oops." - Game of Thrones
@brennadine: One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
@omgthatspunny: The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
@BabetteJones: First rule of flight club...no penguins.
@slimmy_shady: *too embarrassed to buy condoms**buys 3D printer**makes gun**robs condom factory*
@Yankeegiant72: I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me, though.