@leslid79: Oh, you solved a murder? I guess that's cool. One time I didn't run over my ex when I saw him crossing the street. I prevented a murder.
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@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.