@longwall26: Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten
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@realHamOnWry: Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Me: Of course...we have free healthcare. #Canada150th
@Reverend_Scott: [dies and goes to Heaven] GOD: Hello, welcome to- ME: WHERE ARE ALL MY DOGS? GOD: Right this way.
@BradBroaddus: My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.