@sarah1mc: Oh, you wash your clothes each time you wear them? Well la de da, your majesty.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@therealeatwood: Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
@TattedChanel: So Brad Pitt is being investigated for child abuse after yelling at his kids on a flight. Better send my mum to the electric chair then.
@Chumpstring: I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say "I'm no weirdo!" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets.
@BuckyIsotope: *stranded on island* *puts message in bottle and throws it into sea* *years later gets message back* what's updog? *fist pump*