@sarah1mc: Oh, you wash your clothes each time you wear them? Well la de da, your majesty.
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@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
@somewhatalady: "Everyone says they're voting for Clinton or Trump, but I'm voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus."
@AverageCorners: Someday, when I'm really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom.