@GoogleChamiya: Oh, your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?
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@krisv_723: <At Duel> "Draw your weapon" Me: *frantically trying to sketch a bear with gun legs & a shark head.
@iYoungKhalifa: Saw a man at the beach screaming, "SAVE ME..I'm drowning". I instantly uploaded his pic, captioned "1 like = 100 prayers" on facebook..!!
@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.
@better_off_dad: *reading note from son: 'Can I borrow your car later?' *response: 'You spelled 'wash' wrong. But yes.'